There was a time in my life when I was preoccupied with perfection. For many, the idea of attaining perfection inspires. We’re driven to succeed or work harder or be more resilient. Unfortunately, perfection can become a dangerous taskmaster for some.
In reality, being obsessed with perfection was crippling at some points in my life. If I didn’t think I could do something flawlessly, I didn’t even try. If I didn’t think I looked or felt absolutely perfect, I stayed in and worked on something at which I knew I’d be successful. I could put on a happy face even if I felt sad or upset about something. I considered this to be a tremendous asset at the time, but it probably cut me off from some great experiences and creating bonds with some people.
I started using the mantra “perfect is boring.” I gave myself permission to mess up and take risks. As I became a little more laid back, my life got much more interesting and I probably was a lot more fun to be around.
When wedding planning came up, the need for perfection started to creep back into my life.
From Grey Likes Weddings / Photo by Gina Meola / via Lover.ly
I made list after list of projects I had to execute, of things I needed to buy, and of people I had to wrangle. All the while, I was worrying about looking old in photos, about having enough time to juggle all of my commitments, about not being a burden on my bridal party, and about a mother who couldn’t be present during the planning process. Mr. Mink was a calming force at those times when I was especially worried. He was the picture of consistency as I jumped around from one project or idea to the next.
On top of Mr. Mink’s support, I was getting positive feedback from all around. Friends, bloggers from my design-blog days, and members of the hive would say nice things about my projects or about some aspect of our wedding plans. Instead of simply accepting those positive words, I worried about making our wedding “worthy” of them.
From Snippet & Ink / Photo by Ozzy Garcia / via Lover.ly
Though I love blogging, I have to say that some blogs probably fueled my preoccupation with perfection a little bit. I spent hours gobbling up all the eye candy on wedding blogs. I still love them, but I realized that I have to keep my distance and not spend too, too much time on them. Perfection was everywhere on some of those blogs.
From Snippet & Ink / Photo by Angela Higgins / via Lover.ly
In a way, I should be thankful for the dust-ups that have happened in the last week. (I already told you about the problem with printing programs, but there’s more to come.) When I told my sister-in-law about what was happening, she told me that the two weeks before the wedding are full of speed bumps and missteps, but at the end of the wedding day, those won’t matter.
That drive for perfection that’s inside me wants our wedding to look like one of those styled shoots on the wedding blogs, but I know I need to be at peace with the idea that something might not go according to plan.
Are you a perfectionist or a recovered perfectionist? Did wedding planning make you obsess about being perfect? How did you handle that?
“Though I love blogging, I have to say that some blogs probably fueled my preoccupation with perfection a little bit.” This is what I ran into. With about 4 months left, I stopped reading any blog except for Wedding Bee of course, and especially stayed away from SMP. Everything had been decided and picked. I was happy with it and I simply couldn’t let the pressure of the cute ideas and the seemingly perfect weddings from other bogs get to me. Our wedding turned out perfect in my eyes, and we were married and that’s the most important thing.
I can definitely relate to this, I felt so much pressure while planning both because of my own blogging and the professional wedding blogs. Blogs that pick 20 of the most absolutely gorgeous photos from a wedding day obviously do not show the issues that arose before or during the wedding day. That’s why I love the bee, we share everything-the good, the bad, but most importantly, the real.
Oh yes, the pursuit of perfection… I got my invites back from the printer yesterday after working on the measurements FOREVER. Well, you guessed it, they were sized wrong (my error, not the printers). I have to trim off an extra 1/8 inch off each side to fit on the mat. Who notices an 1/8th of an inch? Well, I do, and it’s driving me NUTS. Sigh…
Another important thing to remember, is the wedding day is really just one day… it’s the marriage that really matters. You can have the biggest, the best, the most beautiful wedding in the entire world and it doesn’t mean that marriage is going to be any better than the weddings that are done on a budget with everyone doning David’s Bridal Dresses.
I wouldn’t consider myself a perfectionist because when I make crafts or DIY something, I find a certain charm in the hand made aspect. However, I tend to want to do everything myself so even if something is DIY, I can control how “hand made” it looks. I want it to be charming, not sloppy. Thus I end up not asking for help, but driving myself up a wall trying to complete a fairly simple task… Now that I wrote it all out, it sounds more like I just don’t trust anyone to do it my way. lol Maybe thats my real problem.
I can relate to this post.
In the end, the strongest memories I have of my wedding are the most imperfect–
- a tornado hit and all of the wedding guests had to crowd into the basement of the venue (the first time for that venue in its 25 years of business)
- my bridesmaid who learned to bustle wasn’t around when my dress needed bustling so my awesome photographer and MOH had to work as a team to get my dress bustled
- the Duck Dance came on when my entire family (who loves the duck dance) was in the balcony for the photo booth. So it turned into a double decker duck dance!
I could go on… if I could have made it all just PERFECT, it wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun.
Remember that the photos that are posted on blogs are probably the top 10 photos from the whole day, and not a TRUE picture of what actually went down. Details can look perfect when you only have to get ONE shot of them looking perfect!
Relax, enjoy, and forget all those little details! 
Good luck!
I had to take on the mantra of “it’s good enough” pretty early on because my DIY skills aren’t as awesome as I had thought. If I beat myself up over a frayed ribbon here or a glue gun spot there, I’d never get anything done! I hope that our guests gloss over some of the rough edges and enjoy everything for what it is — a lot of hard work and dedication, in an effort to have the best day possible!
I tend to get obsessed with things and at the end don’t really care about it.
I do sometimes feel like I have to do things pretty, to have pretty pictures, and sometimes I care about things I’m sure my guest won’t care about or even notice. Thankfully Mr. T is there to bring me to my senses everytime I exagerate something.
Miss Mink,
I completely understand how tough it is to look at the beautiful and seemingly perfect weddings featured on the wedding blogs…but honestly, you could create something just as beautiful from all of your DIY photos! I have been so impressed with your creativity…maybe you just know your projects so well that they don’t seem novel to you now. I think it is similar to reading another person’s CV and thinking….”wow! I wish mine looked that good!” when in reality, yours is just as great, but you are used to looking at it so it seems boring! Your wedding will be unique and memorable and GORGEOUS because of the love between you and your man, not because of the perfect shoes, veil, or bouquet!
Thx for this post Ms. Mink .
Need to say that i love all your DIY projects
Yes, I also drive myself nuts trying to copy the exact same look for my wedding that I see on wedding blogs/sites. But then i realise that we dont have an unlimited budget and the wedding day is just that…one day.
I can completely relate! It’s amazing how caught up in the little details you become, and at the end of the day, all that matters is you are marrying your love. But with all the blogs, magazines and pinterest inspiration out there, you want to incorporate every detail!! Good luck in the next month, and I hope you don’t get too stressed trying to perfect everything – I know your wedding will turn out stunning
You know what’s important on your wedding day? The look on Mr. Mink’s face when he sees you come down the aisle and when you say your vows to each other. The rest is nice but not really so important. Feeling the love of family and friends is important. The day is about declaring your love and commitment to each other, and having the support of your loved ones as you start this new chapter in your life. When I think back on the best weddings I attended, what they had in common was a feeling of joy among all present. Both were modest affairs (VFW hall, church basement).
On my own wedding day, I went to the hospital with my Godmother and totally missed the post reception “at home” party. Neil held down the fort at home until I could return. We talk about it as our real life wedding and his easy going attitude of rolling with the punches is one of my more
endearing memories of that day. So, focus on what the day is all about and let the rest just happen. Let your guard down and feel the love around you.
I had the most trouble when I got my photos back from my photographer. My wedding and the pictures from it didn’t even come close to some of the weddings on this site and on stylemepretty (my other obsession) and I was REALLY disappointed. But honestly, although there are things I might change if I knew what I know now, when I got our album back it really put things into perspective and helped me deal with all those feelings. My wedding was perfect and unique in all its own ways… Honestly, every wedding I’ve been to since my wedding has been totally different and infused with the personality of the brides planning them. None of them has been even close to perfect, but all of them have been beautiful.
Yes, yes and yes. I am a recovering perfectionist. So I know what you’re talking about.
Oh Mink, thank you for this post. I always have and always will be a perfectionist. I am trying hard to not let it creep up into wedding planning! My latest motto is to just get through the day with the least amount of things going wrong as possible. 
I agree though.. Perfect is boring! Embrace the imperfections!
Everything you’ve done has been fantastic! Your wedding will be perfect without you trying.
Mrs. Mink, Charlottesville, Virginia Age and Occupation: 34, College Administrator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 40, Craft Beer Consultant Engagement Date: November 26, 2010 Wedding Date: June 2012 Venue: Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards About Me: I left a pre-war brownstone in Boston six years ago to live in a funky, Southern city where Thomas Jefferson, Dave Matthews, and urban chicken keepers enjoy equal social standing. I still love my Patriots and Red Sox, but have fallen in love with Virginia. I work in education and specialize in integrating technology into my work to improve the student experience. I’m a diehard blogger, animal lover, jamband follower, and DIYer. I paint to relax and have transferred by energy from home projects to wedding projects in recent months. When Mr. Mink and I started talking about marriage, we knew our wedding would be outdoors, that my golden retriever would be part of the day, and that the music would be fantastic. We’ve taken a few risks during our planning process and we’ve been enjoying the process immensely!
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